Wow it's been a long time!

So, I figured I'd look up my old blog, see what was on here. I wish I could say my life is so much better and easier now, but that's not the case.

Rebecca died on November 9th 2016. I was right beside her when she left. I was with her for the last 2 weeks of her life. It was hard and horrible and unfair and shitty.

I basically have no relationship with my mother. She was mean to me just two days after Rebecca died, called me names, ran out of the house like she does. I have no intention of getting close to her ever again; I don't want to give her the power to hurt me.

I saw James for about 45 minutes when Rebecca died. He got there at midnight, and she died 2 minutes later. He hung around for just a little while. I doubt I'll ever see him again.

The last time I blogged, my dad was still alive. He's been dead over three years now. I was right there with him, too, when he died.

My health is terrible. I've developed frequent episodes of bad to very severe nausea, often with diarrhea. I lost 35 lbs. No one really knows what the cause is, and I'm on some meds, but the episodes still happen. I have a PICC line in and can give myself fluids at home when I can't drink enough. My anxiety has returned, and sometimes is okay, other times is very bad. I've been suicidal off and on since at least January.

Doug, Quiera and Cora are now living with us. Doug, Quiera and I all lost our jobs just before Christmas, and though Doug now has a job again, they needed some time without having to pay rent so they could get on their feet again.

Last time I blogged Quiera hadn't even met Doug, I don't think. Now they are married (as of May 1st 2016). And I'm a grandma to Cora Genevieve, who was born on March 25th 2015. She is very smart, stubborn and affectionate. Just like her mom. She talks almost nonstop, and I can understand most, but not all, of what she says. Like Quiera and Tia she has some speech impediments.

I've started finding items for low or no cost that I get in exchange for a review. One of the reasons I decided to restart my blog is to have another forum for my reviews. I particularly like getting beauty products.

Journaling 1.2.11

The thing I wish people would understand about me is. . . that even though I may look fine, I'm not. My illness isn't visible, but it's still very real. The worst part is how very tired I am, virtually all the time. And it may never get better than this. Please understand that I'm trying, but many things are quite difficult for me to accomplish.

1.1.11

What a wonderful date! It is fun to write it.

I'm at work today, unfortunately. Hoping to leave early enough to have a date night with Chris; dinner at Casa Rojas Express followed by the movie Black Swan.

Ten Memories of 2010:
So many fun times with Rocky Horror; fabulous experience
Actually landing at the airport I've seen in so many videos, and later going to the beach right next to the airport (St Maarten)
Shelley, drunk, in bed, and singing
Tia, drunk more than once to my absolute shock!
Quiera and Alex showing up at our door early one morning
Cassidy saying "I love you" to me just about every day she was in our home
What happened at the beach in St Maarten that haunts all of us
Getting my snowflake necklace for Christmas
Quiera singing karaoke - she is amazing!
Quiera and Tia drinking the goldfish bowl margarita (wow, there's an alcohol theme going here, lol!)

Hot Hot Hot

In the interests of public service, and because I have a TON of time to kill, I am going to provide my list of hot men. Yeah! My tastes tend to run to men who are dark rather than blonde (with one or two notable exceptions), and masculine (I'm not attracted to metrosexual types. . . and while gay men are often GORGEOUS, if I know they are gay they won't be on my list. Also, MOST of these choices will be older. . . I like men, not boys. Mostly.

In no particular order, here goes:

Daniel Craig. As my husband knows, I have it bad for this man, one of the very few blondes you'll find on my list. He is just, frankly, to die for. My favorite James Bond ever, with eyes that could kill, and a body that is perfect. Yummy!

Taye Diggs. Yeah, his body is fantastic, but frankly it's his skin and his smile that get to me. And he can sing, too! What a package!

Richard Gere. He seems to just get better and better. I want to fall into those eyes, don't you? Sensitive, seductive, devastatingly handsome. . . Richard is a god!

Josh Holloway. Totally not my normal type, but OMG!!!!! Fantastic eyes, amazing body, scruffy beard (and I LOVE a man with facial hair), and as Sawyer on LOST he's a hero trapped in a bad guy. Plus on LOST he spends a lot of time wet and shirtless, a definite plus!

Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock. Just to prove there is an exception to every rule, here are two for me. I hate tatoos, and I hate huge muscles. But then there is Mr Johnson (who surely has the worst first name on my list). As with Mr Diggs, it is his skin that first attracts me. . . it is smooth and the most beautiful color. Add a killer smile and fantastic eyes, and you've got something delicious. I also allow his tattoos as they are part of his culture. And they actually do suit him.

George Clooney. Another man who just seems to get better and better. Yes, he's a bit of a bad boy. Yes, he's a total clown. And yes, he's totally hot too!

Antonio Banderas. While I TOTALLY don't get his being married to Melanie Griffith, fact is he can dance, sing and act while sounding and looking deadly gorgeous!Okay, that'll do for now. Whaddya think?

The Untimely Demise of CX

So for the past few years (four?), my scrappy home on the web has been Creative Express. About a month ago, the forums and galleries were suddenly GONE. No warning. No notification. Just gone. After a week or so, the CX people put up a message saying that the information had been lost when they were switching servers. Hmmmm. It was handled terribly. There are many people who were very upset and annoyed. Including me.

So a bunch of us have got together over at Outta this funk and Bunny's Place. . . but we seem to have lost some of the mojo and spirit we had, and we've certainly lost some of our friends. Sad.